This is Eric Durcholz aka Patrick John Coleman. He says he’s a shaman. He’s obsessed with narcissists. He’s also a notorious chicken hawk. The idiot who calls me fat is named Wiley. He’s a pyromaniac and he’s fond of knives.
That kid, Vetaliy, is dead now. He killed himself in a field somewhere in Washington. The last thing “Patrick” told him was to kill himself.
While my majikal initiation/awakening was going on, all the math that I had learned past fourth grade was sucked out of my head to make room for new concepts. I have to relearn all of it, turning decimals into percents, mixed fractions, and everything else up through Geometry. Holy crap! My brain just isn’t wired for mathematics anymore.
Not that it ever really was. Math was just one of those subjects I had to take. Never really found it all that interesting. In fact I found it so boring that I had to repeat both Algebra 1 and Geometry. I mean, it wasn’t hard for me, it was just dull. I had doodles to draw, notes to pass, and daydreams to have.
I really hated school in general, except for certain subjects, past third grade. The kids were all bullies or nerds, and the teachers were just there for a paycheck.
One day, I felt the need to go up to my local Jack in the Box, so I did. When I goyt there I ordered my food to go. As I was waiting a man began to talk to me, and I took a good look at him and realized he was my ex lover Damian wearing a particularly horrifying glamour. He saw that I recognized him and smiled. They called his number, two Jumbo Jacks for here. He stood with his tray talking to me. Then he went over to the table by the door.
They called my number, I grabbed my food, and as I was going out the door, he grabbed my attention, thrust his tray out at me as though offering me one of his burgers, but I went out the door. I cried all the way home. I don’t know what path would have come to me if I had picked up one of the burgers, but I’m not Eve, and I don’t want one of Satan’s apples. Maybe my life would have been easier. Maybe I would have gotten dental help sooner. But at what cost?
My brother Jon almost ruined Prince for me. I had listened to Prince waaaay before I knew that Jon listened to him. I fucking loved him! But then Jon came back into my life, and steadly put the imprint of Prince upon himself till I almost couldn’t stand him anymore. But Prince was stronger than my brother, and defeated him.
I’m at the home stretch of this project. Its energy is very sluggish, thick, and painful. The crosswords are easy, but doing them gives me an uneasy feeling every time, so it’s been slow going.
I am currently burning a 7 Color Road Opener candle along with Santisima Muerte and Saint Michael incense. I asked for the roads to open for me to begin clearing the negativity out of my house and my life. I have a quartz spear as well as three quassia chips in the candle, plus various condition oils.
A lot of spirits are passing through me today.
It must have been easier to speak things into Creation when there was less going on on this planet. Now it takes months, sometimes, years, sometimes decades for things to manifest once they’ve been proclaimed. Sheesh! In order to expedite the process, one has to will themselves into heavy insanity in order to hold the realms of time and space. I’ve done it once. I don’t know if I can take it again.
But that time is over now. Now I need to shake him like a bad disease.
Food is really gross now. I guess I’m a Buddhist again.
I spent this morning repenting. I have dreamed up some really horrific shit that has manifested in this world.
However, I still maintain that people have Free Will and they can choose the path they truly wish to lead.
My Kali days are behind me, but I am still a Will Worker. I can’t just shut that off, so I’ve turned my attention inward and am now Working on myself. A lot of people are pissed about this, because I cannot stand lies or falsehoods of any kind. I also cannot stand thievery, racism, sexism, or homophobia. When my mother passes I will no longer eat animal products. I’m already beginning to switch to Cruelty Free Makeup, even though any decent kind is expensive.
I really dislike people who wear fur. There is so much information out there about how cruel the fur trade is, and yet these people continue to buy it. Not too thrilled with the rich these days.
In the order that they shall be done:
- Large Print Great Big Crosswords
- “Wicked Charms”
- Mastering Essential Math Skills: Decimals and Percents
- “In the Still of the Night”
- Good Spells for Bad Days: Broken Hearts, Bounced Checks, and Bitchy Co-Workers – Simple Magick to Fix Any Misfortune
- Bunny Tales
- The Emerald Tablet of Hermes and The Kybalion
- Unicorns are Jerks coloring book
- Cholesterol Down
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
- Think and Grow Rich
- The Weight Loss Cure “They” Don’t Want You to Know About
- Son of Rosemary
- Warrior Goddess Training
- Warrior Goddess Training Companion Workbook
- A Dictionary of Angels
- A Field Guide to Demons
- Moonchild (Kenneth McKenney)
- Moonchild (Crowley)
- Audrey Rose
- What Remains
- The Dead Sea Scrolls; A New Translation
- The Secret Teachings of All Ages
- The Secret Destiny of America
- John Adams
- Dark Alliance, The CIA, the Contras, and the Crack Cocaine Explosion
- Chakra Clearing
- A Beginner’s Guide to the Chakras
- Mathematics, Grade 5
- Mastering Essential Math Skills (Grades 4 & 5)
- Harcourt School Publisher’s Math, Student Edition, Grade 6
- The Zodiac and the Salts of Salvation
- Hollywood Babylon II
- The Electric Koolaid Acid Test
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
- John Lydon: Stories of Johnnie
- The Hollywood Book of Extravagance
- The Emotional Tone Scale
- Get Anyone to do Anything: Never Feel Powerless Again
- You Can Read Anyone
- The Cryptoterrestrials
- House of Hilton
- Crazy Rich: Power, Scandal and Tragedy Inside the Johnson and Johnson Dynasty
- Rush to Judgement
- Hoodoo Bible Magic
- The Tujunga Canyon Contacts
- Keep the Faith: A Memoir
- Unhexing and Jinx Removing Spells
- Jitterbug Perfume
- Captains and Kings
- The Trial of Henry Kissinger
- My Booky Wook
- Booky Wook 2
- Memnoch the Devil
- The Celestine Prophecy
- The Encyclopedia of Dreams
- The Tale of the Body Thief
- The Federal Reserve Cartel
- The Encyclopedia of Demons and Demonology
- The Djinn Connection
- The Trillion Dollar Conspiracy
- The Earthsea Quartet
- The Book of Thoth
- The A-Z Encyclopedia of Serial Killers
- The Hastur Cycle
- Mexican Spiritualism
- Hoodoo Honey and Sugar Spells
- The Conjure Workbook Volume 1 Working the Root
- White Oleander
- The Complete Illustrated Encyclopedia of Magical Plants
- Understanding Aleister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot
- Every Tongue Got to Confess
- Their Eyes were Watching God
- The Nag Hammadi Scriptures
- The Gospel of Thomas
- The Book of Enoch
- Book 4
- The Believing Brain
- The Only Grammar Book You’ll Ever Need
- The Elements of Grammar
- Don’t Panic: The Procrastinator’s Guide to Writing and Effective Term Paper
- The Devil in White City
- A Manual for Writers of Term Papers
- Our Haunted Planet
- Psycho U.S.A.
- Math Made Easy, Fifth Grade Workbook
- The Lost Symbol
- Mass Control: Engineering Human Consciousness
- Genesis Revisited
- The Shining
- Cellar of Horror
- Born Evil: A True Story of Cannibalism and Serial Murder
- Small Sacrifices
- Cosmic Code
- When Time Began
- The Epic of Gilgamesh
- The Lost Realms
- The Dune Encyclopedia
- Heretics of Dune
- Chapter House: Dune
- Solving the Communion Enigma
- The Grays
- The Truth Behind the Men in Black
- The Master Key System
- The Complete Books of Charles Fort
- Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
- Death and Destruction (Talia Felix)
- The Want-Ad Killer
- Encyclopedia of Mystics, Saints, and Sages
- The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
- The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
- How to Win Friends and Influence People
- How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
- Necronomicon Spellbook
- The Gates of the Necronomicon
- Charms Spells and Formulas
- Master Book of Candle Burning
- Protection and Reversal Magick
- Hoodoo Herb and Root Magic
- How to Talk to Anyone
- The Dark River
- The Golden City
- The Wars of Gods and Men
- The Satanic Bible
- The Science of Influence
- The Courage to Heal
- Earth, Air, Fire, Water
- Liber Null and Psychonaut
- Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming
- The Tibetan Yogas of Dream and Sleep
- Lucid Dreaming
- The Oxford Study Bible
- The Sea Priestess
- Pre Algebra Demystified
- Pre Algebra Practice Book
- Pre Algebra Homework Practice Workbook
- The One Year Manual
Should take me two or three years. Working backwards, stopping time in its tracks for a bit. Gonna see what happens. Will not be buying any books for a long ass time.