My soul has never enjoyed being in a body. That’s one of the reasons why I have trouble with things like astral projection and quick majik. I am quite literally being forced to stay grounded. That’s probably why I don’t enjoy feeling kundalini energy as well as being too intoxicated on drugs. I’m being forced into my body when these things happen, and tension arises. It’s like I’m constantly walking on Hell, while my soul yearns to go back to Heaven.
I am actively going to start making peace with my body. It is imperfect. It has wounds. I need to take care of it instead of constantly fighting with it.
It’s very hard for me to allow anyone to touch me. I always feel the need to dominate situations in which touching will be happening. I’ve learned to go to the hairdresser regularly. I found a good one, he’s intuitive and quiet. The last thing I like to do when I’m getting my hair done is make small talk. I need to concentrate on allowing the process to happen. I don’t like it when my sexual partners talk, either. I just want them to keep their mouths shut.
I allow the dentist to touch me on a regular basis. In fact, I look forward to my dental appointments. I don’t like the pain that comes with a cleaning, but I know that it is necessary, so I happily get it done.
Now I just have to make myself go to the doctor. I haven’t had a proper physical in over eight years. I fucking hate doctors. I hate gynecological procedures, I hate body scans, I hate being poked and prodded. I’m okay with giving blood, and I can now handle shots, but everything else sucks. They look in your ears, they look in your mouth, up your nose. It’s disgusting!
Oh Dad! You sure did make a mess of this house!
It sucks when your body is just a tool. When I dance, it’s not for pleasure, unless it is for God. When I sing, it’s not for pleasure, unless it is for God. For years I wouldn’t sing anything but hymns. Then I started singing along with Lauren Hill and Jeff Buckley.
I haven’t really sung in a long ass time, my voice is totally out of shape. I can sing along with Natalie Cole, and Scott Weilland, but Britney is impossible. I don’t know how she does it. Her speaking voice isn’t any higher than mine, but her natural singing voice is in such a high register. When you really sit down and try to sing along with Britney, you discover that she’s actually very underrated as a singer. That’s probably why so many talented people have worked with her.
Anyway, my family in general doesn’t like doctors or dentists. I have been forced to enjoy going to the dentist, just as my mother has learned to tolerate going to the doctor on a regular basis. She always has to take a klonopin beforehand, though. I should try that. Leslie has never had much of an issue with doctor visits, and she has learned to work with her shrinks instead of using them. Jon is terrified of the dentist.
I relied on my brother Kevin’s energy to get me through my major dental procedures because he learned early on that you have to take care of your teeth in this family. Thank God Christina and Michael got their father’s genes in the dental department. All of my mom’s kids got hers. Oh our teeth are terrible. Our tap water is fluoridated, and I DRINK IT. Haven’t had a cavity since I started, bout 6 years.
I need to get back on my mouthwash game, though. My gums have deep pockets, and I recently had to go through a root planing and scaling. My dentist suggests that I have a couple more before my gums are healthy again. I tell you, I am flossing myself silly. I also recently got these brush picks to really clean the gums between my upper teeth. Right now they’re bleeding from it, but that’ll go away just like it did with the flossing. No pain, no gain.
I use Listerine or Cepacol, btw. They’re nasty, but they’re the best ones out there without a prescription. Particulary Cepacol. After a month of Cepacol, brushing your gums, and flossing regularly, your gums will look fantastic!